She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
