Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I want to make a zoo with you.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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