The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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