I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
