FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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