He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
