Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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