the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
