he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
