the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
