I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Im part way to drunk.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
