I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
