i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
