im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
