just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
