am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You had me at "let me see your balls"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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