Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
