I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
