Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
