I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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