i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
