Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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