it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
