You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
