the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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