do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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