Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
