Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
