i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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