my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
we're so committed to being not committed
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
