So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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