I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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