I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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