There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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