i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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