Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
