How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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