Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
