I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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