my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
