1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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