I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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