Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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