she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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