I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
