I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
