I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
