I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
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It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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