Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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