But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
