I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
