I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
