Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
