I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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