no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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