It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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