I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
