You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
