I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
