I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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