Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
