Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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