I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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