I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
