I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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