I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
