Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
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I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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