ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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