I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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