i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
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I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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