I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
