Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
