just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
